please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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