I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
