Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
