i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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