babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
should my penis look like a turkey
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
