This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
