I wanna bring you to show and tell
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
