Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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