actually, I'm a sock model
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do herpes really smell.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
