If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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