i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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