yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
