i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
