it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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