my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
