if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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