a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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