another moral hangover. fuck.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
