I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
