the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
