woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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