It's Friday. Sex?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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