So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I enjoy the company of your penis
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
