My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
