Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
