Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
