this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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