A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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