I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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