i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
