Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
