Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
