I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
