You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
