Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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