Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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