I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
