But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
