All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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