This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
