You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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