Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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