Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
