What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
