You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
