it wasn't lemon gatorade
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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