girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
