So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
