i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
