he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
