she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
