I am in a vortex of obligation.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
