I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
